So, today I want to talk a little about my fears… and not the silly ones like somehow accidentally ordering escargot while in France. Living my life on the go and building a career for myself when I was basically raised to believe that wasn’t entirely possible, it’s a very scary thing. Here are my three biggest fears when it comes to traveling the world.
By far, my biggest fear, is that when I actually get out and see the world and then come back home, home isn’t going to feel like home anymore. I guess that’s not so much of a big deal considering it really hasn’t felt like home since grandma was alive. After she died, I didn’t feel like I really had anything to keep me here and everything just feels temporary. Living in her house after she left was temporary until I found an apartment, living in the apartment was temporary until the lease ran out, living with my mom was temporary until I find another option… now, living with my cousin feels temporary because I don’t know if/when they’ll get tired of me and send me back to my mom’s. Nothing after grandma’s death feels like a permanent solution. This is something I am completely prepared for, but I don’t know if preparation will really be enough. Especially hearing about the coming home experiences of other long term travelers.
Right after that… my fear of something happening to my family while I’m gone and me not being around to help. My mom isn’t in the best of health, my sister is spinning out of control and there’s always my niece to worry about because my sister just doesn’t care. This was actually something I was guilt tripped about when I was telling others of my post-college plans, but honestly… none of that is my responsibility. I shouldn’t have to live my life for anyone other than myself.
And the last one, not as big as it’s just weird and I don’t quite understand it, but I am actually a little afraid of succeeding in all of this. I don’t expect it to be an instant success, building my career on the road. The thought of actually going after something I’ve dreamt of for so long and actually succeeding, especially knowing I have people who don’t necessarily agree with me doing something this bold… it’s exciting, but it’s also kind of scary to think about. Especially since this success would be so much bigger than any of my past successes.